Verizon, Shmerizon

I work at a Verizon Store. Here’s a blog of me complaining about it…

1. Just a couple of minutes ago I had a man come into the store. I don’t want to jump to conclusions, but the dudes breathe smelt like he had taken Ke$ha’s advice and brushed his teeth with a bottle of Jack. After being a complete jerk (about nothing) he tells me to “stop being difficult”. Was I being difficult? No. All I had done was refused to give this “all-American man” a free car charger. In fact, the more persistent you are about getting free stuff, the more I don’t want to give it to you.

2. I don’t know if because I have one of those faces that says “tell me everything”, or because I sit behind a counter and it makes me seem important, but customers tend to tell me/show me too much information. I could not tell you how many obscene photos I have seen and how many unneccessary personal stories I have been told. Just last month I had this man showing me pictures of his wife, topless, on all fours, wearing a leash. I’m not a prude, but she wasn’t even attractive. If you just have to show me pictures of your naked spouse, make sure people, other than you, think their hot. It’s also pretty unfortunate how many divorces I know the logistics of. I don’t care how many times your husband had sex with the babysitter, do you want a new phone or not? The stuff I see and hear is almost unbelievable. To top it all off, the business is local, so I see all of these people gallivanting around town. Do you know how awkward it was when I was at the bagel store getting coffee and I bumped into the human-dog lovin husband?

3. Just because your phone is wet does not give you the right to be mean to me. I did not come to your house, find your phone and then dump it into a bucket of water. I did not dare your son to put his cell phone into his beer. I was not there when you decided to use your phone outside while it was pouring rain. I did not push your daughter into the pool at your last barbeque. So why are all these phone-wetters always mad at me? If they’re not blaming me, they’re accusing me of lying. The water indicators in your phone do not lie. I did not wait for you to turn around and spit in your phone just so that they would turn from white to red. I don't want your phone to be wet. It's a crappy situation, plus it means I have to sit here for an extra 1/2 hour explaining your options. Options that you probably won't understand the first time, or the second time, because their just too simple.

4. Just the other day I had an “argument” with a customer about contracts. I put quotes around argument because the angry customers that come into the store wind up fighting with themselves. I'm not going to scream at you, I may be pissed off, but I'm not angry enough to waste my energy. Plus, it's alot more fun being so passive that they actually become angrier. ANYWAY, the irate customer came into the store with a defective phone. Our stores policy and Verizons clearly states (on a large sign inside the store, on the contract he had signed & on the copy of the contract that he took home) that a phone may be returned if; it is defective, if the return takes place within 30 days, if it is in like new condition AND has the UPC code (used to collect the rebate) still intact on the box. Well, this gentleman came in on the 33rd day, with none of the phones original components (box, charger etc.) and had already sent in for the rebate. And yet, here he is, in my store telling me it is ridiculous that I won’t replace it, because “come on, its 33 days”. OK? That still doesn’t change the fact that you did the exact opposite of what the contract entails in order to receive a quick and easy replacement. “But it’s just a contract, who cares, this is absolutely retarded.” Ok…let’s just throw out the Civil Rights Bill…it’s just a contract, right?

5. I have witnessed my fair share of bad parenting. The other day I had a child growling at me…GROWLING. I’m trying to talk to the evil kids’ mother, and she’s sitting on the couch flailing her body and growling. Did you ever think to leave the kids home? If you had just left your satanic spawn at home the whole process would have taken 20 minutes instead of 2 hours. Besides the growling little creep, the other un-behaved kids who are in and out of the store are obsessed with the water cooler. If their not taking everything off its hook and throwing it their playing with the stupid water cooler. It’s your run of the mill Poland Spring water cooler. It doesn’t have a drain, because the water cooler is for adults who just fill their cups and move on. I don’t care if you have to speak to me while your holding your child in your arms and its wailing in your ear…keep it away from the water cooler. The last thing I feel like doing is cleaning the rug after you leave because your out of control kid held down the nozzle for a minute straight.

6. I HAVE NO IDEA WHEN THE I-PHONE IS COMING TO VERIZON. I am not Ivan Seidenberg the CEO and Chairman of Verizon. I have no idea when or how or if the I-Phone is coming to the Verizon network. So stop coming into the store complaining about it, because I don’t care…at all. I couldn’t care less. It doesn’t hurt my feelings when you come in and tell me how much Verizon sucks. In all honesty I just question why it’s necessary. Call customer service, they probably won’t care either, but I’m just a 22 year old girl just trying to make a buck. Haha

7. I am not a walking Verizon directory. I have a rule (coughmichellevigspay attentioncough)Don't talk to me about phones if I'm not at work. When I'm out having a drink over the weekend, I don't want to talk aboutyour plan. If you see me at the gas station, I still don't want to talk about your plan. Unless you come to the store and see me behind the display cases, don't talk to me about your phone. I HAVE FEELINGS. I actually get offended when people I haven't talked to in a while call me, facebook or whatever and the conversation goes something like this, "Hey, how are you?", "I'm good, I haven't spoken to you in so long, what's going on?", "Oh nothing really, listen I have a question about my phone....". Talk about a slap in the face. If you have a phone question feel free to call the store or click here.