These kids are amazing. Guarantee we're going to have to buy the next one. Get up on new talent while you.
http://www.askhowfly.com/2010/05/tru-statement-ent-presents-mae-more-ep.html
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
Verizon, Shmerizon
I work at a Verizon Store. Here’s a blog of me complaining about it…
1. Just a couple of minutes ago I had a man come into the store. I don’t want to jump to conclusions, but the dudes breathe smelt like he had taken Ke$ha’s advice and brushed his teeth with a bottle of Jack. After being a complete jerk (about nothing) he tells me to “stop being difficult”. Was I being difficult? No. All I had done was refused to give this “all-American man” a free car charger. In fact, the more persistent you are about getting free stuff, the more I don’t want to give it to you.
2. I don’t know if because I have one of those faces that says “tell me everything”, or because I sit behind a counter and it makes me seem important, but customers tend to tell me/show me too much information. I could not tell you how many obscene photos I have seen and how many unneccessary personal stories I have been told. Just last month I had this man showing me pictures of his wife, topless, on all fours, wearing a leash. I’m not a prude, but she wasn’t even attractive. If you just have to show me pictures of your naked spouse, make sure people, other than you, think their hot. It’s also pretty unfortunate how many divorces I know the logistics of. I don’t care how many times your husband had sex with the babysitter, do you want a new phone or not? The stuff I see and hear is almost unbelievable. To top it all off, the business is local, so I see all of these people gallivanting around town. Do you know how awkward it was when I was at the bagel store getting coffee and I bumped into the human-dog lovin husband?
3. Just because your phone is wet does not give you the right to be mean to me. I did not come to your house, find your phone and then dump it into a bucket of water. I did not dare your son to put his cell phone into his beer. I was not there when you decided to use your phone outside while it was pouring rain. I did not push your daughter into the pool at your last barbeque. So why are all these phone-wetters always mad at me? If they’re not blaming me, they’re accusing me of lying. The water indicators in your phone do not lie. I did not wait for you to turn around and spit in your phone just so that they would turn from white to red. I don't want your phone to be wet. It's a crappy situation, plus it means I have to sit here for an extra 1/2 hour explaining your options. Options that you probably won't understand the first time, or the second time, because their just too simple.
4. Just the other day I had an “argument” with a customer about contracts. I put quotes around argument because the angry customers that come into the store wind up fighting with themselves. I'm not going to scream at you, I may be pissed off, but I'm not angry enough to waste my energy. Plus, it's alot more fun being so passive that they actually become angrier. ANYWAY, the irate customer came into the store with a defective phone. Our stores policy and Verizons clearly states (on a large sign inside the store, on the contract he had signed & on the copy of the contract that he took home) that a phone may be returned if; it is defective, if the return takes place within 30 days, if it is in like new condition AND has the UPC code (used to collect the rebate) still intact on the box. Well, this gentleman came in on the 33rd day, with none of the phones original components (box, charger etc.) and had already sent in for the rebate. And yet, here he is, in my store telling me it is ridiculous that I won’t replace it, because “come on, its 33 days”. OK? That still doesn’t change the fact that you did the exact opposite of what the contract entails in order to receive a quick and easy replacement. “But it’s just a contract, who cares, this is absolutely retarded.” Ok…let’s just throw out the Civil Rights Bill…it’s just a contract, right?
5. I have witnessed my fair share of bad parenting. The other day I had a child growling at me…GROWLING. I’m trying to talk to the evil kids’ mother, and she’s sitting on the couch flailing her body and growling. Did you ever think to leave the kids home? If you had just left your satanic spawn at home the whole process would have taken 20 minutes instead of 2 hours. Besides the growling little creep, the other un-behaved kids who are in and out of the store are obsessed with the water cooler. If their not taking everything off its hook and throwing it their playing with the stupid water cooler. It’s your run of the mill Poland Spring water cooler. It doesn’t have a drain, because the water cooler is for adults who just fill their cups and move on. I don’t care if you have to speak to me while your holding your child in your arms and its wailing in your ear…keep it away from the water cooler. The last thing I feel like doing is cleaning the rug after you leave because your out of control kid held down the nozzle for a minute straight.
6. I HAVE NO IDEA WHEN THE I-PHONE IS COMING TO VERIZON. I am not Ivan Seidenberg the CEO and Chairman of Verizon. I have no idea when or how or if the I-Phone is coming to the Verizon network. So stop coming into the store complaining about it, because I don’t care…at all. I couldn’t care less. It doesn’t hurt my feelings when you come in and tell me how much Verizon sucks. In all honesty I just question why it’s necessary. Call customer service, they probably won’t care either, but I’m just a 22 year old girl just trying to make a buck. Haha
7. I am not a walking Verizon directory. I have a rule (coughmichellevigspay attentioncough)Don't talk to me about phones if I'm not at work. When I'm out having a drink over the weekend, I don't want to talk aboutyour plan. If you see me at the gas station, I still don't want to talk about your plan. Unless you come to the store and see me behind the display cases, don't talk to me about your phone. I HAVE FEELINGS. I actually get offended when people I haven't talked to in a while call me, facebook or whatever and the conversation goes something like this, "Hey, how are you?", "I'm good, I haven't spoken to you in so long, what's going on?", "Oh nothing really, listen I have a question about my phone....". Talk about a slap in the face. If you have a phone question feel free to call the store or click here.
1. Just a couple of minutes ago I had a man come into the store. I don’t want to jump to conclusions, but the dudes breathe smelt like he had taken Ke$ha’s advice and brushed his teeth with a bottle of Jack. After being a complete jerk (about nothing) he tells me to “stop being difficult”. Was I being difficult? No. All I had done was refused to give this “all-American man” a free car charger. In fact, the more persistent you are about getting free stuff, the more I don’t want to give it to you.
2. I don’t know if because I have one of those faces that says “tell me everything”, or because I sit behind a counter and it makes me seem important, but customers tend to tell me/show me too much information. I could not tell you how many obscene photos I have seen and how many unneccessary personal stories I have been told. Just last month I had this man showing me pictures of his wife, topless, on all fours, wearing a leash. I’m not a prude, but she wasn’t even attractive. If you just have to show me pictures of your naked spouse, make sure people, other than you, think their hot. It’s also pretty unfortunate how many divorces I know the logistics of. I don’t care how many times your husband had sex with the babysitter, do you want a new phone or not? The stuff I see and hear is almost unbelievable. To top it all off, the business is local, so I see all of these people gallivanting around town. Do you know how awkward it was when I was at the bagel store getting coffee and I bumped into the human-dog lovin husband?
3. Just because your phone is wet does not give you the right to be mean to me. I did not come to your house, find your phone and then dump it into a bucket of water. I did not dare your son to put his cell phone into his beer. I was not there when you decided to use your phone outside while it was pouring rain. I did not push your daughter into the pool at your last barbeque. So why are all these phone-wetters always mad at me? If they’re not blaming me, they’re accusing me of lying. The water indicators in your phone do not lie. I did not wait for you to turn around and spit in your phone just so that they would turn from white to red. I don't want your phone to be wet. It's a crappy situation, plus it means I have to sit here for an extra 1/2 hour explaining your options. Options that you probably won't understand the first time, or the second time, because their just too simple.
4. Just the other day I had an “argument” with a customer about contracts. I put quotes around argument because the angry customers that come into the store wind up fighting with themselves. I'm not going to scream at you, I may be pissed off, but I'm not angry enough to waste my energy. Plus, it's alot more fun being so passive that they actually become angrier. ANYWAY, the irate customer came into the store with a defective phone. Our stores policy and Verizons clearly states (on a large sign inside the store, on the contract he had signed & on the copy of the contract that he took home) that a phone may be returned if; it is defective, if the return takes place within 30 days, if it is in like new condition AND has the UPC code (used to collect the rebate) still intact on the box. Well, this gentleman came in on the 33rd day, with none of the phones original components (box, charger etc.) and had already sent in for the rebate. And yet, here he is, in my store telling me it is ridiculous that I won’t replace it, because “come on, its 33 days”. OK? That still doesn’t change the fact that you did the exact opposite of what the contract entails in order to receive a quick and easy replacement. “But it’s just a contract, who cares, this is absolutely retarded.” Ok…let’s just throw out the Civil Rights Bill…it’s just a contract, right?
5. I have witnessed my fair share of bad parenting. The other day I had a child growling at me…GROWLING. I’m trying to talk to the evil kids’ mother, and she’s sitting on the couch flailing her body and growling. Did you ever think to leave the kids home? If you had just left your satanic spawn at home the whole process would have taken 20 minutes instead of 2 hours. Besides the growling little creep, the other un-behaved kids who are in and out of the store are obsessed with the water cooler. If their not taking everything off its hook and throwing it their playing with the stupid water cooler. It’s your run of the mill Poland Spring water cooler. It doesn’t have a drain, because the water cooler is for adults who just fill their cups and move on. I don’t care if you have to speak to me while your holding your child in your arms and its wailing in your ear…keep it away from the water cooler. The last thing I feel like doing is cleaning the rug after you leave because your out of control kid held down the nozzle for a minute straight.
6. I HAVE NO IDEA WHEN THE I-PHONE IS COMING TO VERIZON. I am not Ivan Seidenberg the CEO and Chairman of Verizon. I have no idea when or how or if the I-Phone is coming to the Verizon network. So stop coming into the store complaining about it, because I don’t care…at all. I couldn’t care less. It doesn’t hurt my feelings when you come in and tell me how much Verizon sucks. In all honesty I just question why it’s necessary. Call customer service, they probably won’t care either, but I’m just a 22 year old girl just trying to make a buck. Haha
7. I am not a walking Verizon directory. I have a rule (coughmichellevigspay attentioncough)Don't talk to me about phones if I'm not at work. When I'm out having a drink over the weekend, I don't want to talk aboutyour plan. If you see me at the gas station, I still don't want to talk about your plan. Unless you come to the store and see me behind the display cases, don't talk to me about your phone. I HAVE FEELINGS. I actually get offended when people I haven't talked to in a while call me, facebook or whatever and the conversation goes something like this, "Hey, how are you?", "I'm good, I haven't spoken to you in so long, what's going on?", "Oh nothing really, listen I have a question about my phone....". Talk about a slap in the face. If you have a phone question feel free to call the store or click here.
Friday, January 15, 2010
Reality TV is So Bad, That it's So Good
Reality TV is supposed to be real. Though, many people, including myself have removed their blinders and realized that, reality TV is actually pretty far from realistic. Knowing this, I still indulge, because let’s face it…it’s addicting. Plus, I’m not the one on national TV, getting drunk, getting laid or trying to marry Ray-J; it is some other person's son, daughter, niece, nephew, whatever, you get the point.
For our viewing pleasure, these reality “stars” choose to place themselves in our living rooms. Unless they’re naïve, concerning the media, they know that their words will be edited and spliced, their embarrassing moments will be honed on, and their morals and values will be judged; analyzed and re-articulated (in or out of context) within the media (and in turn, amongst their peers).
I can accept reality TV, because of the reasons I stated above. I understand that I am not watching real-life. I know the general population would be bored to death watching raw Jenna Pere TV, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. I also know that the crap that I’m giving in to is, for the most part, scripted. Reality TV is the everlasting trend of the 2000s. Unfortunately, all trends, whether withstanding or not, attract “haters”.
Why watch reality TV? The argument always comes up, whether it in the news, around the dinner table or over a few beers. New programs (like my grandmother would say) like the Jersey Shore, stir the pot, and the cycle of analytical banter continues. I know quite a few people who are appalled by the idea of reality television. They’re so put off by it, that during discussion they behave as if the reality TV viewer is a legitimate enemy. They make it seem like every time I turn on Tough Love, a puppy is murdered. They argue that reality TV is dumb-ing down society, and creating negative role models for adolescents. (Because bad parenting within a private household can’t have the same affect?!)
More than likely, their next point is, by watching, we are feeding the egos of undeserving individuals. (Undeserving, because they have no other accomplishments then appearing on reality TV.) Of course, I agree, we are fueling these “stars” egos, but I don’t give it a negative connotation. Why not enlarge their egos? We’ve made George Clooney, Leonardo DiCaprio and Ray Romano recognizable and rich for portraying fake people for our enjoyment… why can’t we accept it, in order to do the same for a person playing themselves? Just because you or I don’t want to make money getting black-out drunk on television (the way you present yourself, is the way you will be perceived) does not mean I mind if someone else has no shame.
If you think about it, because reality TV is altered (whether right from the beginning, or in the editing room) we’re simply watching a drama. Though, it’s not over-dramatic like soap operas, anything on ABC Family or Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Perhaps people find it more irritating because the situations displayed within reality TV attempt to mimic real life. And let’s face it, drama in real life is terribly annoying, energy-draining and time consuming.
Regardless, Reality TV “haters” also have to recognize this… Shows like the Jersey Shore, or the Real World cannot be scripted (take this lightly; I know there are discrepancies within that statement). Episodes have climaxes because they’re edited to, but the drama ensues because they have been positioned that way. Production companies work with the networks and sift through thousands of applications from individuals, vying for their fifteen minutes of fame. These shows are merely human, behavioral experiments. The persons chosen are positioned purposely, and painstakingly to guarantee maximum entertainment a.k.a drama. Based on personality (attitude, openness, and attractiveness etc.), child hood trauma, financial status, political views and without a doubt “view-ability” the conflicts can be assumed.
In a nut shell: The boys from the Jersey Shore are ignorant. The Bad Girls Club hosts girls that are trashy beyond trashy. The Real World kids are embarrassing their parents. Anyone cast on any looking for love shows make themselves seem terribly pathetic. And I love every minute of it.
For our viewing pleasure, these reality “stars” choose to place themselves in our living rooms. Unless they’re naïve, concerning the media, they know that their words will be edited and spliced, their embarrassing moments will be honed on, and their morals and values will be judged; analyzed and re-articulated (in or out of context) within the media (and in turn, amongst their peers).
I can accept reality TV, because of the reasons I stated above. I understand that I am not watching real-life. I know the general population would be bored to death watching raw Jenna Pere TV, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. I also know that the crap that I’m giving in to is, for the most part, scripted. Reality TV is the everlasting trend of the 2000s. Unfortunately, all trends, whether withstanding or not, attract “haters”.
Why watch reality TV? The argument always comes up, whether it in the news, around the dinner table or over a few beers. New programs (like my grandmother would say) like the Jersey Shore, stir the pot, and the cycle of analytical banter continues. I know quite a few people who are appalled by the idea of reality television. They’re so put off by it, that during discussion they behave as if the reality TV viewer is a legitimate enemy. They make it seem like every time I turn on Tough Love, a puppy is murdered. They argue that reality TV is dumb-ing down society, and creating negative role models for adolescents. (Because bad parenting within a private household can’t have the same affect?!)
More than likely, their next point is, by watching, we are feeding the egos of undeserving individuals. (Undeserving, because they have no other accomplishments then appearing on reality TV.) Of course, I agree, we are fueling these “stars” egos, but I don’t give it a negative connotation. Why not enlarge their egos? We’ve made George Clooney, Leonardo DiCaprio and Ray Romano recognizable and rich for portraying fake people for our enjoyment… why can’t we accept it, in order to do the same for a person playing themselves? Just because you or I don’t want to make money getting black-out drunk on television (the way you present yourself, is the way you will be perceived) does not mean I mind if someone else has no shame.
If you think about it, because reality TV is altered (whether right from the beginning, or in the editing room) we’re simply watching a drama. Though, it’s not over-dramatic like soap operas, anything on ABC Family or Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Perhaps people find it more irritating because the situations displayed within reality TV attempt to mimic real life. And let’s face it, drama in real life is terribly annoying, energy-draining and time consuming.
Regardless, Reality TV “haters” also have to recognize this… Shows like the Jersey Shore, or the Real World cannot be scripted (take this lightly; I know there are discrepancies within that statement). Episodes have climaxes because they’re edited to, but the drama ensues because they have been positioned that way. Production companies work with the networks and sift through thousands of applications from individuals, vying for their fifteen minutes of fame. These shows are merely human, behavioral experiments. The persons chosen are positioned purposely, and painstakingly to guarantee maximum entertainment a.k.a drama. Based on personality (attitude, openness, and attractiveness etc.), child hood trauma, financial status, political views and without a doubt “view-ability” the conflicts can be assumed.
In a nut shell: The boys from the Jersey Shore are ignorant. The Bad Girls Club hosts girls that are trashy beyond trashy. The Real World kids are embarrassing their parents. Anyone cast on any looking for love shows make themselves seem terribly pathetic. And I love every minute of it.
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
Patronizing Female Seeks Readers - 22
I’m a college graduate. I did an internship that was exhausting, and sucked up most of my savings. Thank you internship for working me as a slave, having no funds to hire me and paying me solely in experience that, with time, runs dry. So now, I work for Daddy, and look for jobs in between customers. Ideal, isn’t it?
My job gets boring. I sit by myself, with a television, maybe some brain-cell ruining tabloids and the internet. Thankfully the internet has become the world’s number one resource for job hunting. So I spend half my day sending out my resume and cover letter, and cover letter and resume and resume and cover letter. Although it takes practically no effort, for me it’s an anxiety ridden process. To kill time in-between unemployment heart attacks I started poking around in the Craigslist.com personal ads. Here are some examples and a few of my own thoughts, which you can laugh at, or hate on, either way you’re still reading. Craigslist is set up by date, with postings portrayed by headlines first. Personal ads are basically self promotions. Here are a couple of my recent favorites…
Men Searching for Women
“Looking for my future ex wife – 28”; Besides the fact that this headline is generally distasteful, we can all bet a lot of money that he’s never even been a relationship. And if he has, this headline is why he is single.
“WEL HUNG BLACK MAN FOR WHITE WOMAN - 32”; Rumors that black man have bigger penises than white men have been running rampant since forever. Obviously it’s the head on your shoulders that’s not attracting the ladies.
“Miss having a girl in my life – 22”; Being desperate doesn’t work in person. If anybody actually responds to this dudes ad and throws him a pity party, than they belong together.
“GREAT FOOT MASSAGE BY HANDSOME, SANE M…PLEASE B 4 REAL!! – 40”; SERIOUSLY?!?!? If you are announcing in your headline that you are sane, it’s more than likely that you are not.
“tons of bud light! Ladies free beer! – 47”; Someone call "To Catch a Predator"...quickly.
“All women on CL are fake—prove me wrong!!! – 53”; I'm jumping on that bandwagon. Let's go ladies?
Besides the headlines being some of the funniest things I have ever read. The bodies of these ads are even more spectacular, pure gems. If you're ever bored, I suggest you peruse a couple. The majority of them are pathetic ramblings from lonely dudes, who don't think to use spell check or punctuation. Be warned, when you get to the posts that have pictures attached, if you don't run into a photo that is stock/generic like a clip-art rose, or beach scene it's, without a doubt, going to be an unsightly view of their junk.
WOMEN SEARCHING FOR MEN
"J.Lo booty with a heart of gold - w4m - 22"; Good thing the body of her ad talks about how she only wants NSA (no strings attached) sex and to have fun...because that's all she's going to get.
"Did you right ma nayme on tha overpass? SWF - W4M - 25";What does this mean??? Honestly this whole ad is too good, and too confusing not to post the whole thing. If someone can translate this for me, I'd love to know what the hell she is actually asking for.
"Hi I'm slim, petite and very highly sexed in a loving cuckold relationship with my partner Mark. I am seeking a special friend for longer term sexual friendship, someone who is comfy with the idea of me cuckolding mark. Looking for a genuine fun loving guy, preferably who can me in front of my partner, but not essential. Seeking a genuine guy who wants to be my main source of fun, who is prepared to on occasions stay with me at my partners. "
"Hot pussy girl - w4m - 27”; I think she got her point across.
"Neglected, Pregnant and extrmely - w4m - 28”; UM, this one scares me. I'm sorry unborn child.
Until next time....
My job gets boring. I sit by myself, with a television, maybe some brain-cell ruining tabloids and the internet. Thankfully the internet has become the world’s number one resource for job hunting. So I spend half my day sending out my resume and cover letter, and cover letter and resume and resume and cover letter. Although it takes practically no effort, for me it’s an anxiety ridden process. To kill time in-between unemployment heart attacks I started poking around in the Craigslist.com personal ads. Here are some examples and a few of my own thoughts, which you can laugh at, or hate on, either way you’re still reading. Craigslist is set up by date, with postings portrayed by headlines first. Personal ads are basically self promotions. Here are a couple of my recent favorites…
Men Searching for Women
“Looking for my future ex wife – 28”; Besides the fact that this headline is generally distasteful, we can all bet a lot of money that he’s never even been a relationship. And if he has, this headline is why he is single.
“WEL HUNG BLACK MAN FOR WHITE WOMAN - 32”; Rumors that black man have bigger penises than white men have been running rampant since forever. Obviously it’s the head on your shoulders that’s not attracting the ladies.
“Miss having a girl in my life – 22”; Being desperate doesn’t work in person. If anybody actually responds to this dudes ad and throws him a pity party, than they belong together.
“GREAT FOOT MASSAGE BY HANDSOME, SANE M…PLEASE B 4 REAL!! – 40”; SERIOUSLY?!?!? If you are announcing in your headline that you are sane, it’s more than likely that you are not.
“tons of bud light! Ladies free beer! – 47”; Someone call "To Catch a Predator"...quickly.
“All women on CL are fake—prove me wrong!!! – 53”; I'm jumping on that bandwagon. Let's go ladies?
Besides the headlines being some of the funniest things I have ever read. The bodies of these ads are even more spectacular, pure gems. If you're ever bored, I suggest you peruse a couple. The majority of them are pathetic ramblings from lonely dudes, who don't think to use spell check or punctuation. Be warned, when you get to the posts that have pictures attached, if you don't run into a photo that is stock/generic like a clip-art rose, or beach scene it's, without a doubt, going to be an unsightly view of their junk.
WOMEN SEARCHING FOR MEN
"J.Lo booty with a heart of gold - w4m - 22"; Good thing the body of her ad talks about how she only wants NSA (no strings attached) sex and to have fun...because that's all she's going to get.
"Did you right ma nayme on tha overpass? SWF - W4M - 25";What does this mean??? Honestly this whole ad is too good, and too confusing not to post the whole thing. If someone can translate this for me, I'd love to know what the hell she is actually asking for.
"Hi I'm slim, petite and very highly sexed in a loving cuckold relationship with my partner Mark. I am seeking a special friend for longer term sexual friendship, someone who is comfy with the idea of me cuckolding mark. Looking for a genuine fun loving guy, preferably who can me in front of my partner, but not essential. Seeking a genuine guy who wants to be my main source of fun, who is prepared to on occasions stay with me at my partners. "
"Hot pussy girl - w4m - 27”; I think she got her point across.
"Neglected, Pregnant and extrmely - w4m - 28”; UM, this one scares me. I'm sorry unborn child.
Until next time....
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